You may well have heard of the 80/20 principle somewhere already, but have you heard of this law before? I have to admit when I read about it I did a double take, thinking they were talking about the Pareto Principle (The 80/20 Rule) which we talk about in The Anti Stress Book and had gotten their wires crossed, but this is something completely different although it can definitely help you with how to manage stress.

Once you come across the 90/10 Principle and incorporate it into your life, it will categorically have a profound impact on your way of life (at least the way you currently routinely react to your circumstances).

So what is this principle? It states that 10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is determined by how you react.

What does that mean?

It means that we really have no control over 10% of what happens to us. We cannot?stop the car from breaking down. The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic. We have no control over this 10%. The other 90% is different and determined by YOU alone by your decision as to what something MEANS to you and your subsequent reaction to that meaning.

You cannot control a red light, but you can control your response to it by deciding whether it means you’re going to be late for a meeting or to get home for dinner, or whether it gives you a few minutes to centre yourself before dashing back to the office for that interview. Your call!

Don’t let people tell you stories! You CAN control how you react.

For example: You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over?a cup of coffee onto your clean clothes. You have no control over what just what happened, but what happens next will be determined by how you react. You get annoyed and scold your daughter unkindly for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize them for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your clothing. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus. Your spouse must leave immediately for work.

You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit. After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye.?After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started dreadfully and as it continues, it?seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home but when?you finally do arrive home, you find a small stumbling block in your relationship with your?spouse and daughter.

Why? Purely because of how you reacted in the morning. Why did you have a?bad day?

A) Did the coffee cause it?? B) Did your daughter cause it?? C) Did the policeman cause it?? D) Did you cause it?

The answer is “D”.

You had no control over what happened with the coffee.? How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.

Here is what could and should have happened.

Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, “It’s ok honey, you just need, to be more careful next time”. Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing fresh clothes and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on what a splendid day it is and you agree feeling great .

Notice the difference? Two different scenarios: Both started the same. Both ended differently

Why? Because of how you REACTED.? You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens.? The other 90% is determined by your meanings, interpretations, beliefs and ultimate reaction.

Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle.

If someone says something negative about you, don’t be a sponge. Let the incident roll off like water on glass. You don’t have to let the disparaging remark affect you! React well and it will not ruin your day. An inappropriate reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out etc.etc or worse.

How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you lose your temper? Do you pound on the steering wheel? Do you curse? Does your blood pressure skyrocket? Do you try and ram into?them? Who cares if you arrive three minutes later at work? Why let the slow traffic ruin your journey?

Keep the 90/10 principle in mind and do not stress about it.

You are told you lost your job. Why lose sleep and get irritated? It will work out. Use your energy and time instead to find another job.?The plane is late; are you going to let it mess up your agenda for the entire day? Why take out your annoyance on the flight attendant? She has no control over what is going on. Use your time to do something else: read a book, write an email or two if you have your laptop with you or get to know the other passengers.

Why get stressed out? It will just make things worse. Now you know the 90-10 principle, apply it and you will be astonished at the results and you have absolutely nothing to lose by experimenting with it. The 90-10 principle is incredible but very few people know about it and even fewer ever apply it, with the result that millions of people are suffering from needless stress, pain, problems and despair.

We should all set great store by the 90/10 principle but we must also apply the 90/20 principle because it really CAN change our lives if we use it consistently.